The Island Blotter

A Lopez woman discovered that her unlocked car in Lopez Village had become an unwitting donation center, courtesy of a very industrious thief.

The hit-and-run victim's car sustained minor damage, meaning they got off easier than most of us do in a parking lot.

A hit-and-run in Eastsound left deputies searching for a suspect vehicle believed to be an SUV or van—basically, any boxy thing on wheels that isn't a sedan.

A Friday Harbor juvenile was having what we'll generously call a "rough day," complete with threats of self-harm, which earned them a one-way ticket to the ER and then into the loving arms of juvenile services.

A Lopez deputy was dispatched for a dog picked up by a citizen in the roadway. The dog was reunited with the owner, who was warned for having a dog at large.

A good Samaritan found a dog loose in the roadway and brought it home, but the owner got a friendly reminder that "at large" doesn't mean "at liberty to roam."

A motorist learned that speeding in the 1800 block of Mud Bay Road comes with a ticket—turns out there really is a fine line between safe and unsafe driving.

A citizen reported a hit and run collision on their parked vehicle at Island Market in Eastsound; the other driver left the scene faster than they left a note.

A deputy answered the call for an agency assist in Friday Harbor, only to discover the real emergency was medical—talk about a plot twist.

Deputies responded to a domestic dispute in Friday Harbor and discovered the male resident was observing his court-ordered sobriety about as well as a fish observes dry land.

Two vehicles collided in Friday Harbor in what can only be described as a meeting that nobody wanted to attend, but a collision report was completed and everyone walked away citation-free.

A Friday Harbor business theft was resolved when the suspect realized that paying for items is actually how retail works, and all charges were dropped faster than the merchandise was grabbed.

An Eastsound resident reported her vehicle stolen by a family member who apparently decided a ferry ride to the mainland was cheaper than asking for the keys.

A speed demon at Terrill Beach and Mt. Baker Road discovered that going 52 in a 35 means you're not just breaking the law, you're breaking the sound barrier—or at least the citation barrier.

A Lopez Island resident got identity-jacked by someone apparently calling from the Middle East, but our vigilant bank caught the suspicious transaction and shut it down before any real damage was done. No loss, and the suspect remains roughly 6,000 miles away and equally uncooperative.

A Lopez deputy took a report of stolen guitar strings—or possibly the whole instrument. Either way, someone's day just became a lot less melodic.

A found Canon Powershot came in with more concrete evidence than most of our cases—literally. We played detective with the memory card, spotted a cement truck logo, and tracked down the owner faster than you can say "photo recovery."

Apparently this one got cut off mid-incident, but we're guessing it also involved someone who didn't get the memo about designated camping zones.

A deputy discovered a gentleman practicing his "rough sleeping" skills behind a Friday Harbor business—turns out the only thing he was building was a case for relocating to an actual campsite.

Deputies responded to a domestic dispute at the Port of Friday Harbor and found it was all talk, no action—which, honestly, is the best possible outcome when we show up.

A Friday Harbor resident brought a found bicycle to the Sheriff's Office, proving that at least one person on the island knows how to bike-cycle their good deeds back into the community.

A vehicle owner reported damage at the ferry lot, but when deputies checked security footage, the cameras had apparently taken the day off—no incident was captured, which is pretty on-brand for government technology.

A Friday Harbor resident learned an expensive lesson about unlocked vehicles: they're basically a vending machine for thieves, except the machine also takes your dignity.

A wallet was discovered on Larson Street by our Public Works crew, who proved that not all heroes wear capes—some wear safety vests and turn in lost property to dispatch.

Local scammers are really upping their game—they're now calling with fake arrest warrants and asking for bail money via bank transfer. Pro tip: real law enforcement won't threaten you over the phone and demand payment to your personal account, so if you get this call, just hang up and call the Sheriff's Office instead.

Scammers are impersonating Sgt. Peter and claiming you have an arrest warrant, then asking for money—a scheme so transparent it makes a screen door look opaque. If you get this call, hang up immediately and contact the real Sheriff's Office, because the only thing you should be transferring is your skepticism to the trash.