The Island Blotter

A suspicious person or circumstance was reported on Lopez Island at 12:13 AM—which, let's be honest, is prime time for weird island behavior.

A domestic dispute or assault was reported on San Juan Island at 9:32 PM.

A threats report came in on San Juan Island at 9:10 PM.

A residential burglary was reported on Orcas Island at 7:53 PM.

Trouble Unknown reported at 19:09:36 on Orcas Island — turns out the real trouble was figuring out what the trouble actually was.

Unwanted Person reported at 17:16:25 on Orcas Island — one person's uninvited guest is another person's reason to call the cops.

Missing Person reported at 17:14:48 on San Juan Island — we're hoping they're just really committed to playing hide-and-seek.

Welfare Check reported at 16:22:42 on Lopez Island — all units standing by to confirm that at least one island resident is, in fact, doing okay.

A self-appointed code enforcer at an Eastsound business got heated over a sign, leading to a confrontation with employees and patrons before being verbally trespassed — apparently nobody told him that the only thing he was allowed to enforce was his own exit.

Domestic Dispute or Assault reported at 14:24:33 on Orcas Island — officers responded to ensure everyone involved was safe.

Welfare Check reported at 14:02:32 on San Juan Island — a second island resident also confirmed to be functional and breathing.

A Lopez business owner discovered a juvenile's graffiti tag scratched into a paper towel dispenser — proving that vandalism has truly hit rock bottom when it involves bathroom fixtures.

Fraud reported at 11:59:56 on Lopez Island — someone got creative with the truth, and not in the fun way.

Agency Assistance reported at 11:56:00 on San Juan Island — our friends in blue called asking if we had any spare competence to lend.

An assault occurred at Body Force on San Juan Island at 11:48 AM—we guess you could say things got a little too "forceful" at the gym.

A Decatur resident discovered that someone had been making reservations at her property through a travel website without permission, which is a pretty terrible Airbnb-use of trust.

A vehicle went missing on Orcas Island at 10:00 AM—we're still looking for it, but we're not holding our breath or our keys.

The Sheriff's Office provided agency assistance on San Juan Island at 9:54 AM, because even small islands need a little help sometimes.

Two Lopez drivers collided, proving that even on a small island, you can still have a major traffic incident; deputies and EMS responded.

A self-appointed sign inspector at an Eastsound business got so upset about signage that he started a confrontation, earning himself a verbal trespass notice—guess he didn't read the fine print on that particular sign.

Someone scratched their moniker into a paper towel dispenser at a Lopez business, which is either vandalism or the world's most inconvenient autograph; a local juvenile is suspected.

A Decatur resident fell victim to fraudulent property reservations made through an online travel company—apparently her home is now more popular than she is.

Two Lopez drivers collided, and deputies and EMS responded, proving that the island's traffic problems are real even at island-sized speeds.

An Eastsound business experienced disorderly conduct when a self-appointed sign critic took issue with their signage and confronted staff and patrons, ultimately earning a verbal trespass—turns out he wasn't a fan of their reading material.

A Lopez business owner discovered that a local juvenile had decided to practice their autograph on a paper towel dispenser—apparently they were really trying to make a name for themselves, just in the wrong place.

A Decatur resident learned that an online travel company had created fake reservations for her property, which is ironic considering the only thing that should be fabricated on vacation is your out-of-office message.

Two Lopez drivers collided, prompting deputies and emergency medical services to respond—a reminder that the only thing you should be tailgating is your favorite restaurant.

A suspicious person or circumstance was reported at 19:53:05 on Orcas Island, proving once again that someone out there really knows how to make an evening interesting.

A suspicious person or circumstance was reported at 16:36:36 on Orcas Island, because apparently one wasn't enough for the day.

A suspicious person or circumstance was reported at 03:09:45 on Orcas Island—the graveyard shift's favorite kind of call.